From doubt and uncertainty towards flow and healing: my journey after learning Reiki level 1
- Jul 11
- 12 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
Diary entries from my first few months as a beginner 🌱
Once the course is over and we have parted ways with our teacher and fellow students, the greater journey begins exploring reiki on our own. We are faced with many new experiences – ranging from curiosity to doubt. “Am I doing this right?” … “Is the reiki flowing?” … “Am I just imagining the warmth in hands?”
It has been 14 years since I attended my first Reiki course as a student. Follow my journey those first few months through from doubt and uncertainty towards flow and healing. May this post help to normalise and support your own process and Reiki practice following a beginner’s course in Reiki.
In this text, the word ‘reiki’ (with r) is used to refer to ‘reiki as a universal life force’. ‘Reiki’ (with R) is used to refer to ‘Reiki as a healing system’.
My daily Reiki practice after the course
‘I’m really excited to explore reiki and I’m going all in,’ I write. On day one, I drew up a schedule for myself setting out the daily Reiki practice I wanted to do. It went as follows:
Repeat Usui’s five Gokai (principles) three times in a row, once in the morning and once in the evening.
Kenyoku Hō (dry bathing) once a day.
Jōshin Kokyū Hō (meditation and breathing technique to purify the mind and ground/focus ki in the hara). 2–30 minutes, once a day. Note: This technique was not included in the course, but one I found in a book.
Gasshō self-treatment for one hour, once a day. (I was taught the standard positions and given a CD with a bell that chimed every three minutes – signalling it was time to change hand position. Consequently, the full-body treatment took approximately one hour).
Note from day 1 after first self-healing treatment:
When I gave myself a reiki session today, I felt a faint but steady warmth flowing through my hands. I found myself tensing up quite a lot in certain hand positions. It was still a lovely hour of relaxation, even though I found myself wondering a lot about reiki – did anything actually happen?
I carried out my self-treatment in a quiet spot at home. However, I enjoyed repeating Usui’s five Gokai whilst out for a walk. My experience today when meeting students is that setting aside a fixed time for Reiki on the sofa can work well for some people. For others, it can create pressure and make the practice feel rigid.
Make Reiki part of your life. Reiki is not the big thing you do in additional to your life, it is just part of everyday life - just as reiki energy is part of life. /Amanda Jayne (Reikimaster) (1)
Amandas words of making Reiki part of your everyday life, rather than a side project, I find a lovely reminder. My advice is to establish a routine that suits you.
The questions are piling up on day two – does reiki work through my hands?
As early as the second day after the course, lots of questions and doubts start to bubble up.
Am I doing it right?
What is reiki?
Where does reiki energy come from?
Am I in touch with reiki?
I felt I had even more questions than answers. That, combined with the need to take in everything from the course, left me feeling overwhelmed. My first thought was to contact the teacher straight away, but I decided to wait and hoped that everything would fall into place. During the first week, I noticed a very faint warmth in my hands, but I wondered whether it was really from reiki or just my own body heat.
From uncertainty to more calmness
On Day 11, I write: ‘I still feel uncertain about the extremely weak warmth in my hands and now also about a blockage in my breathing’. I email the teacher, describing my uncertainty, and receive a reassuring reply:
Reiki energy is subtle and flows even if we are not aware of it or do not feel it.
She explained that I might be experiencing some blockages at the moment, but that if I just carried on, they would eventually release. My teacher’s feedback gave me a greater sense of calm. Sure enough, a major blockage near my diaphragm released two days later and I was able to breathe more freely and calmly, even though the blockage then persisted at other levels and came and went.
My teacher also reminded me to let go and trust when I was giving myself Reiki:
When you invite reiki, do not show any signs of ego or doubt at that moment. Invite reiki with a pure heart, smile, and let all your love and care flow freely.
This helped me to start letting go of my performance expectations and choose to trust, even though it took courage. It is of course easier said than done. Looking back today, I realise that it is a highly individual process and in my view, the greatest challenge of practising Reiki. It took me several years to truly understand the deeper meaning of those simple lines my teacher wrote. My best advice along the way is "fake it until you make it".
If uncertainties and questions arise early on in the process, as they did in my case, the teacher’s feedback can provide reassurance and reduce the risk of us giving up on the practise. A teacher has often gone through a similar process themselves and can therefore act as a bridge, validating our experiences or answering specific questions.
The message in dreams: reiki has started an inner healing process
Reiki was still a completely new world to me. During daytime I was completely absorbed in searching for physical sensations in my hands and body, and was unsure whether I was channelling reiki. As a result, I didn’t make the connection between my intense dreams at night – which revealed inner processes of purification and healing – with my Reiki practise.
Today, with more experience and confidence, I know that reiki flows the moment we open ourselves to it whether we are aware of what is happening or not or even feel nothing physically in our hands or body. Reiki often initiates inner healing processes initially at deeper sometimes more subconscious levels within us. Through night dreams we can become more aware of what is going on deeper within us before it surfaces to our waking consciousness.
Do you find that a lot happens in your dreams after a course or when you’ve given yourself reiki? Recognise the connections and realise that processes are going on.
The health check – the results after 13 days with reiki
On day 13 I look back and reflect on how my well-being has changed since I started.
Excerpt from the diary:
+Feeling more energetic and lighter
+Sleep is much better. I wake up less often
+Happier and feeling less worried
+Breathing is freer and calmer, although still blocked
-Still feeling cold
-Thyroid is still swollen (good/bad?)
-Hair and skin still dry
-/+Dry mouth after practise, but I think that’s a good sign.
Wow, there really are effects and I can now see that much of what have mainly been happening in my dreams has started to bring about changes, both emotionally and physically!
This gives me greater confidence in my practice and a deeper trust in reiki, and not least in my own body’s self-healing ability. I would really recommend that everyone does a status check to see what effects ypur practice has – it also boosts your motivation to carry on.
A turning point in my Reiki practice
Day 21: “I’ve felt a gradually growing need to be in nature and in silence,” I write in my diary. This is new. I even dream about nature at night and how much I enjoy visiting beautiful places overlooking water and mountains. It is also the quietest places I’ve ever visited in my dreams.
Excerpt from the diary:
Since practising Reiki, I’ve started to feel the energy around my body. It vibrates. I also feel a tingling sensation in my fingers in certain places. I enjoy giving myself reiki. At times, my hands become burning hot. One day, it seemed to me that the sound of the ocean waves was considerably louder than usual (or is it just my imagination?).
I realise that I have reached a turning point in my Reiki practice. This becomes clear when I reflect on how deeply relaxed I feel and how much I enjoy giving myself reiki. I worry less about whether I am ‘doing it right’ and relax more, allowing myself to be guided by rei (spiritual wisdom) in the moment.
A sense of sensitivity has been awakened:
My hands have become more intuitive and I sometimes feel as though they’re being guided by an invisible force. I’m now exploring hand positions outside my physical body and can feel it vibrating. With every exhale I also feel my energy field expanding. Wow, it’s an amazing sensation.
One day, whilst out for a walk, I experience an amazing insight with the Gokai
A nagging sense of anxiety is suddenly interrupted by my own voice saying, “Just for today, let go of all your worries” and the anxiety lifts immediately. I stop walking, completely astonished that I have just heard one part of me kindly urging the other part of me – the one that had been harbouring that anxiety – to let it go now.
Although it was many years ago now, I can vividly recall that moment and can still picture myself pausing in my walk, taken aback by the situation. I remember feeling it as an inner awakening, and from then on I felt a deep sense of wonder and awe at the power of the Gokai principles to correct the mind.
In my diary I also write about how I feel reiki helps me achieve a better balance. On days when I come home tired after work, a short session with reiki helps me let go of both the worst of my tiredness and my pain. I reflect on how my journey has taken me from doubt and uncertainty towards a greater flow.
From flow to resistance - as the healing process deepens
A month after the course I had a vivid dream one night about a shift. Excerpts from parts of the dream:
I’m looking out over a lake. The sun is pleasantly warm and casts its dazzling glow across the water. I’m enjoying the moment and watching horses grazing on the other side. Suddenly, it starts to pour with rain; darkness descends and it quickly turns pitch black. I catch sight of the stars and a few shooting stars – it’s beautiful.
The day after the dream I came down with the flu and was bedridden for 7–9 days with a fever and muscle aches, followed by a sinusitis and a sore throat that lasted a week. During this time I only managed to give myself reiki on a few occasions. I felt a bit out of practice and noted that both the warmth and sensitivity in my hands had diminished. This created a sense of a setback in my practice.
After the infection I felt a palpable existential emptiness within me, which was to last for some time. I write in my diary that my commitment to Reiki has waned even further and that I am finding it increasingly difficult to stay focused on the Gokai principles; I even forget them. I can't find much motivation to do anything and I wonder what is happening.
Excerpt from the diary:
I’m cencerned that my practice will peter out. I’ve decided to attend my teacher’s next Reiki reunion. It’ will be exciting to meet like-minded people, devote myself to reiki and share experiences. I need that.
At the time I didn’t realise that my dream was giving me information that my healing was deepening. That the first ‘honeymoon period’ of my Reiki practice started to culminate when I became ill (in the dream, a transition to 'rain’). Neither did I at the time realise that my infections was part of a major physical cleansing process that was clearing out and resolving that which had been ongoing since the course, and paving the way for a new, deeper level of healing.
Understanding and embracing resistance
There is a phase of resistance and most of us encounter it when we start engaging in some form of spiritual practice or similar. It sets in after we’ve had that wonderful honeymoon period where we feel the practice is going smoothly, we feel better and are motivated. It is common to have profound experiences of unconditional love, peace, happiness and oneness (a deeper connection with our origins) during this ‘honeymoon’ phase. During my years of exploring a wide range of different practices, I have encountered both these ‘honeymoons’ and these phases of resistance time and time again. So many others have had the same experience that I would say it is a universal pattern.
When the ‘honeymoon’ gives way to resistance, we often experience this alongside an initial setback. With reiki, this can be explained by the fact that the ‘rei’ within us has reached deeper into layers of stagnant life energy (patterns) that we need to work through. In my experience, this resistance often stems from our personality’s reluctance to feel and accept a particular emotion. It is not uncommon during this phase to lose the desire to practise and to question one’s practice. Even though we know that the practice can take us to that place where we can feel the emotion and accept it, the resistance can be greater. It is a phase that invites us deeper into healing and a more genuine commitment to our practice.
Once I moved past the resistance my Reiki practise changed
Looking back during my phase of resistance to feeling existential emptiness (in the dream, ‘darkness’ and ‘pitch black’), I can see that hidden performance pressures had crept aswell into my Reiki practice and may have been one reason why it began to wane.
I can gather from the diary that there was a desire to rediscover the flow, not just with reiki but to life itself (in the dream seeing ‘the stars': the origin /the spark of life force that flows through everything). The Reiki reunion I wanted to attend never became reality. Two weeks later though, I write about how one day I had an outburst of anger which released a lot of tears (in the dream, ‘shooting stars’ – sudden release/emotions). By then, my wall of resistance had been torn down. It felt so good.
Now I come across a first new entry about reiki in my diary.
Today I’ve ‘spontaneously’ meditated and done an hour of reiki! I sense life energy is flowing through me and it makes me smile.
Once I’ve moved past the phase of resistance, I move away from my Reiki routine towards a more spontaneous practice. I feel an even greater connection and flow with reiki than before.
Looking back on that first month of daily disciplined practice and training in techniques, I believe it gave me a certain sense of security to let go of the training wheels. As I have delved deeper into reiki over the years and undergone more Reikiclasses, I have created new routines to integrate what I have learnt. In my experience, we gradually build the bridge that anchors us in a deeper sense of presence, leading us into the true essence of reiki.
Concluding reflections
Create a sustainable Reiki routine. It helped me to establish a structure and discipline more easily, so that I could start incorporating reiki into my daily life. We all have our own ways of learning and therefore our own unique ways of incorporating it.
Give yourself reiki every day, or as often as possible. This helped me to start feeling its effects and to build confidence in my own ability. We can also give reiki to others as part of getting to know ki/ chi (universal lifenergy) and strengthening our practice. In my teaching, I’ve noticed that some students find it easier to start sensing ki when they’re giving it to others rather than to themselves. When we give reiki to others, we fill ourselves with it too, so it’s a win-win!
Document your journey with reiki and carry out a health check. This helped me to reflect on my process and gave me perspective on my development. Not only does it highlighted the effects of our practice but it also strengthen our motivation and inner confidence to practise Reiki.
Be patient with your Reiki practice. Everything is a process and everything happens at a pace we are ready for. If you feel uncertain or have any questions about reiki, your practice or the processes involved, get in touch with your teacher or join forums where you can find support. These days, the Internet is a huge source of information!
Let go of 'too much' focus on sensations in your hands or body. It’s common to want to feel whether reiki is working and to want immediate, tangible effects or proof. Feeling ki is a first great feedback, no doubts. But this is highly indivdual and awakening to an awareness of subtler life energies and their flow within us is a process that is strengthened through practice. Some students have their first experiences during the course, whilst others do not. We are all different. Practise trusting that reiki flows the moment we open ourselves to it. This is true whether or not we are aware of what is happening, or even sense anything specific in our hands or body.
Setbacks and resistance are natural temporary phases. When experiencing setbacks with reiki and restistance we are not doing anything wrong in our practice – quite the opposite. We have received confirmation that Rei (spiritual wisdom) has penetrated stagnant life energy (deeper patterns within us). Listen to what your body needs during this phase. You may benefit from meeting others who practise Reiki, for example through Reiki gatherings, which can provide support and a sense of community along your journey. Giving yourself more reiki in these phases can also support and accelerate so we more quickly come through it, in accordance with our highest good.
With Love ~ Sanne
Information about:
*Beginner classes in Reiki.
As beginner we can take 'Reiki level 1' or the combined 'Reiki level 1 and 2'.
Level 1&2 is for those of you who are ready to delve deeper straight away and would like to learn more techniques at once so that you can give reiki to yourself and others. We can take beginner’s courses several times throughout our lives and keep learning something new each time.
Reikiclasses with me or higher levels, read more here.
Reikiclasses around Sweden, The Swedish Reiki Association, link here.
*Reiki reunions - for you who have taken a class.
Regardless of teacher and level, welcome to a reikireunion in Helsingborg. When is the next reunion?See calender.
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From doubt and uncertainty towards flow and healing: my journey after Reiki level 1
Source: (1) https://youtu.be/skJWomAr-bE?si=Hkzg0uOEJpZx4yyP
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